She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
