You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
