12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I wish you could order shots online.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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