So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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