In the future we'll all be gay
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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