I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
