Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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