I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
