Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Randomize
