Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
