where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
