just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
