I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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