Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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