I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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