There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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