So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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