My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
