Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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