my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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