She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
