During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
