I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
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like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
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At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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