i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
