So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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