I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
