Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
