She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
