brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You made out with two different species that night
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
