Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
