i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
