Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
