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we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
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