I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
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He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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