I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
