Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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