Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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