what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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