Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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