I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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