my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
