1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
