I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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