the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
