I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just forgot I was standing up.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
