i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
