I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
