i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
