dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
