My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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