making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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