dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
