no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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