i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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