I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
