I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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