All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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