You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
