I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
and she was petting her beer can
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
