I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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