If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
