Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
