super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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