You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Randomize
