the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
