Your face is a jimmy john
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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