He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
