i wish my penis had a tongue
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
