please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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