i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize