is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
