I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
